‘The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing.’Archilochus
The quote above, attributed to a Greek poet 2500 years ago, is generally used to inspire debate. Should you be a specialist, going deep in one area like the hedgehog? Or a generalist, traveling across many areas but staying on the surface, like the fox?
What if this is a false dichotomy?
What if the problem is the either/or thinking it demands? Might there be a both/and solution instead?
SPECIALIST = MEDIOCRE
Were you urged to pick a specialty? I grew up with the phrase jack of all trades, master of none. To focus was to succeed, to explore was to squander your chances of getting ahead. I was taught that failing to specialize meant falling behind, but were we just aiming for the middle? Generalists didn’t “fit” anywhere, specialists could follow a clear path. The sooner one could decide on their life path, and put all of their resources into it, the further ahead they would get. Life appeared to be a process of rushing to narrow your focus until you found your professional area of expertise. If you got specific enough, perhaps you could stand out as an “expert” in your field. If you changed course later in your career it meant starting over at the bottom and wasting your previous efforts (college degree, job experienec, etc).
After coaching people through career growth for over a decade I have come to a different conclusion. I see over specializing as the path towards mediocrity. If you want to play the game, to climb the ladder that society has built, then by all means limit yourself to one domain. But what if you want to innovate? To change the game? To stand back and decide where to place the ladder? Might you need a dose of what the generalist has to offer and some deep knowledge, perhaps in a few areas, not just one?
To innovate is to stand outside of the field and take a perspective on it. “Learn the rules so that you can brake them” sounds nice in print. Academics get excited by minor deviations from the norm, but if you never learn the rules you break them by default. When you learn in multiple domains you can’t help but see things from radically different angles than those who stick to just one. Orthogonal insights are perpendicular, they come from other fields. This is about vertical growth in multiple different lines of development.
POLYMATHS ARE NATURAL
We tend to talk about polymaths, those with wide ranging knowledge, as being special. They are rare, but is this a natural limitation or a conditioned one? Does it really require the rare genius to be skilled in multiple areas? Or is this just something we believe because of the way we push people towards specialization?
I believe that a healthy mind wants to go deep in multiple, disparate areas. Children are voracious learners. They are all artists and scientists and dancers with very specific quirks and curiosities and desires. We are naturally multi-disciplinary. Perhaps the reason why the Renaissance Woman seems so elusive is because we put specialists on a pedestal and discourage parallel pursuits and the balanced lives they demand.
The world is not binary. You contain multitudes. When you attempt to limit yourself you become narrow. Your ability to innovate becomes equally weak.
I study leaders for a living and the evidence is clear. Transformational leaders are chimeras; hybrids. They are multi-dimensional. They cross disciplines. Look deeper at those you admire and chances are, even those who appear to be hedgehogs have fox DNA inside and vice versa. By all means, go deep in one area, but if you can’t see your domain from outside the box then you are, by default, an inside the box thinker. You may sustain a system, but you won’t be able adapt it to a changing world. Your insights will be fragile at best, horribly distorted at worst. Depth and context both matter. Combine the two and you are on to something.
CROSS TRAIN to LEAD
If you want to be better at business, learn how to paint. Cross train. Develop parallel areas of interest. When you are early on in your career, as an employee, being single-minded can get you ahead. This same approach will create a ceiling. Being single-minded is fine when you are taking orders. It is a serious limitation when it is your job to give them.
In the version of corporate America that is dominant (but crumbling) employees are encouraged to develop the capacity to work more. Quantity matters. We are forced to color within the lines, to work long hours and to sacrifice our hobbies. Policies are enforced, expectations upheld. The vision is top down. If you succeed, you are promoted. But if you climb far enough up the ladder you start to get dizzy. You are suddenly expected to have not only new skills, but a radically different mindset. What got you here won’t get you there. Now you must see around corners and offer others your perspective.
Leaders are required to think strategically. This is no longer about generating massive output by keeping your eyes on the prize. This is about scanning the horizon and charting a course. At the highest levels a very small number of decisions determine the impact you have this quarter, year, and longer. Quality matters. Systems thinking matters. You must now create policies in a fluid, ever changing manner. Being able to step outside of the situation you are in and see it from many different angles is the thing that will keep you rising up above others who are siloed in their view and their function.
If you can’t see how different departments relate then you do not deserve to be in charge of them. If you can’t see how the entire company relates to the industry you are in then you will never be able to steer it amongst its peers. If you can’t see how the industry you are in relates to the entire marketplace, then you are going to miss trends that disrupt your industry. If you can’t see how the marketplace fits into society, then you are going to miss market disruptors. And if you can’t see how markets exists within global cultures, societies, and the living biosphere, you are going to fail to prepare yourself and your people for the biggest disruptions of our time.
It may have been enough to be single-minded in the past, but we live in a VUCA environment (Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity, Ambiguity). The power of the specialist is limited. Today’s leaders need to be more dynamic than ever. The time of the Expert Generalist is here. We need more polymaths. Today’s leaders must think orthogonally.
People find it endearing that Einstein played the violin. I believe it to be a major source of his genius in physics. Spending years developing a felt sense of Mozart sonatas installs a perspective that is bound to be different from the way that other trained mathematicians and scientists view reality. Viewing physics through a musical lens is coming at it orthogonally, perpendicularly, from another vertical line of development.
Is Elon musk better or worse at rocket science because he also goes deep on batteries, artificial intelligence, manufacturing, and boring machines?
How much cross training do you do?
This is not the checklist that your high school guidance counselor encouraged you to complete. This is not about being well-rounded in the eyes of others. This is about reigniting the flames of curiosity that burned brightly when you were a child. People look down at the severely autistic child who will only talk about trains or penguins all day. Why is spending 100 hours per week focused on investment banking more impressive? I understand the money grab, but I have seen the way it hollows people out. Why is this the way that some of our strongest minds are being cultivated?
A human being is capable of developing multiple intelligences. To foster the growth of but one is to disconnect oneself from vast resources of energy and wisdom. Why do we expect healthy adults to have such narrow focuses?
Steve Jobs credited Apple’s beautiful typography with his study of calligraphy in college. Would he have been able to disrupt as many industries had he not spent so much time studying Zen and developing beginner’s mind?
How many intelligences are you developing?
High achievers reach out to me for coaching when they feel stuck. Before deciding whether or not to work together we interview one another. I have a carefully curated set of questions that I use to help me determine both where they are developmentally and whether or not I can help them. I’m assessing aspects of their physical, emotional, and intellectual well-being to help me understand where their growth is highly evolved and where it might be stunted. One incredibly telling response is to a question many find banal.
What are your hobbies?
Eating food and travel don’t count. For all but the most passionate, neither does exercise. Staring at a screen every night is a major red flag. I want to know what you are deeply curious about. I want to know what skills or passions you are developing outside of your working life. I want to know if you engage in things that seem, at first blush, to have no functional purpose when you are making money. I want to know if you have maintained a connection to creativity. I am attempting to assess how wide your mind is. How many different ways of being in the world are you playing with?
Are you capable of being completely consumed by any tasks that you are not paid for?
Are you pursuing mastery in anything outside of your day job?
If the answer is no, then not only are you squandering this one precious life by not having enough fun, you are also doing your professional life a disservice.
A good friend is the technical co-founder of one company about to become a unicorn and another set to disrupt a completely different industry. He spends his free time learning shibari, an ancient Japanese form of rope bondage, playing bass, gardening, reading, playing board games, and cooking, among other things, including long walks with me.
Parallel lines of development can interact synergistically through orthogonal, and often metaphorical, lines of thinking, acting, feeling, and knowing.
I coach an executive at Google who is getting his PHD in philosophy. I have no doubt that this “competing interest” makes him more effective in his role. This isn’t about doing more, it is about re-allocating resources. It is about working smart, not hard, about focusing on quality, not quantity. This is about setting boundaries, valuing self care, and showing up to work filled up by other pursuits.
How many parallel streams of curiosity are you indulging?
UNLEASH DORMANT POTENTIAL
I spent a couple of decades producing music and playing in bands. This developed nonverbal components of the mind which allow me to sense rhythm, melody, texture and emotional tones in an abstract, yet refined way. I apply this lens to clients, business plans, and everything else. I apply musical metaphors to everything from parenting to business to relationships. Music appears to be more primitive. It allows us to access thoughts we can’t explain. This taught me to express myself in ways I don’t have words for. Music teaches me how to peer into aspects of my mind that are otherwise unconscious simply because I do not have the verbal concepts to express them. I have no doubt that it makes me a better coach, friend, lover, and writer.
In high school I started studying mechanical drafting and architecture. Today I design furniture in my mind, buy rough boards from a lumber yard, craft my designs in my garage wood shop, and live amongst my creations. This develops the ability to hold an object in the minds eye and turn it around in 360°. This cultivates a structural understanding of how a joint will fit together and operational planning of the processes required to both add and remove material to achieve a desired shape. All of this informs the way that I view personal development, building businesses, family dynamics, and many other ways that life flows in and out of shapes while various pressures and processes are applied.
Why not play with photography to change the way that you view the world and interact with it?
Meditation teaches us to release the stranglehold any given perspective has on us at the moment, to disconnect identity from one element of a polarity so a higher order understanding can be found. Melt into a causal space of unknowing, and then watch new ideas become manifest in interesting and unexpected ways. The looser our attachment to any one way of seeing the world the more fluid our approach to difficult situations becomes.
Spend a year being fascinated with your dreams, keeping a journal of them, attempting to develop a capacity for lucid dreaming and then bring the insights your mind creates in a radically altered state to bear on the biggest problems you find in your life.
Learn a new language and seek out people who speak it so that you can learn about their life in their native tongue.
Pick a musical instrument and spend the next 50 years slowly adding songs to your repertoire. Write a few songs yourself.
Read books that take your mind in 20 different directions.
Do you remember the way it felt to dance when you were younger? What would happen to your life if you blocked out time every single day to move your body in whatever way feels appropriate for that specific moment? Might you reclaim some of your spontaneity? Some of your capacity to feel and express joy? Tap in to an inner wisdom that has been laying dormant for years waiting for you to come back?
Whatever you do, don’t do any of this because you should. Certainly don’t do it because I said so. Do what your inner child wanted to do, but was discouraged from doing when she spent long nights studying for the test. Do what you stopped doing when you wanted to fit in. Do what you imagine doing once you are retired. Do what sparks joy. Try something new just to see how it feels to you. If nothing calls you then try 10 things and take notes on how they feel to rekindle the inner flame of self discovery.
If you have no interests outside of work then the flames of your curiosity have dimmed so low that you cannot see them the way that you are currently living. It is time to slow down, to create space. It is time to take risks, to be playful.
To come clean, I am speaking to your desire to be an innovator and a better leader, but this is just a Trojan horse. I want you to be more fulfilled, more whole; to enjoy your life more. I want the leadership you provide to come from your heart and your gut, not just your head. If you do this solely because it may improve your work life, you will still be cut off from the spontaneous spark of curious excitement that is meant to drive every single moment of your days.
This is about shifting the source of fuel in your life. When we are driven by “shoulds” we get exhausted. We need caffeine and discipline and deadlines. When we are driven by “want”, we turn back on the natural enthusiasm that all children are born with. This is about waking up excited for the day ahead.
I know you may have a story about yourself that prevents you from investing in new things. You might think you just don’t have any interests and that you are too old to start. You might think you aren’t as smart as these other people, that the way you get by at work is by working harder than everyone else and that this leaves you no time for fun.
STRENGTH IN DIVERSITY
Here is the key point: The people described above do not have extracurricular interests because of how smart they are. Don’t fall into a fixed mindset. They are smart and innovative because they have these interests. You know that your muscles get stronger the more you use them. Top athletes work out in many different ways to keep their bodies guessing. Do you really believe that your mind is any different? Yes, we each have a unique genetic inheritance, but we all benefit from pushing boundaries.
Your curiosity muscles may have atrophied, but they are there. Start small. Expect it to feel overly self-indulgent. Do it anyways. Nourish your soul so that you have more gifts to give. Be a foxhog 🙂
Can We Become Indigenous?
I coach leaders for a living. Almost all of them have spent more time in school than me. As a proud college dropout I took my education into my own hands decades ago. I took ownership of the information that enters my mind and the values that I assign to it. This has made me a bit of a weirdo; a necessity when people come to you for a new perspective.
I struggle in classrooms. I zone out. I read the texts before the class gets to them. I prefer to think orthogonally. I take carefully selected tangents and then trace them back as a source of illumination. I go down rabbit holes. I find the source material the authors studied and use it to dissect the thinking that the teacher is presenting. I learned to bite my tongue in classrooms. I learned to sleep.
Being out of sync with the status quo can be a super power. I do most of my learning alone, with a stack of books, via Google, and then with hundreds of clients who help me test ideas in the real world. Every coaching session leads me down new avenues of exploration. What I learn I bring back to my clients to test in the real world. What is WISDOM, but knowledge applied?
Last week I was on Zoom with 20+ coaches and two outstanding teachers getting certified in The Leadership Circle Profile (LCP). For the past decade I have looked down my nose at assessments. Most seem more capable of illuminating the past and reifying existing patterns than pointing out developmental paths tailored to the individual. This is the best tool I have seen. It is data driven, deeply rooted in developmental psychology, capable of illuminating shadow, and points towards nuanced growth areas as well as problem ones. The worldwide data base is rigorous and well tested. Most of all, it is deeply contextual. The test does not provide facts, but potential inquiries to be explored with a leader and their team.
Because I am me, I did not learn most of how I will apply the LCP while in class. I spent a full day with one of the creators, Bob Anderson, a couple of months ago. In anticipation of that, I bought his book. Once I read that, I bought a half dozen books from the primary thinkers who inspired his model. Many of the others I knew fairly well. I then heard a second hour long presentation by Bob. All of that was a deep dive prior to the class. The real fun comes from the orthogonal exploration and the practical application. Let’s start orthogonally.
The week of the program I was reading Sand Talk by Tyson Yunkaporta. It’s amazing. Tyson “is an academic, an arts critic, and a researcher who belongs to the Apalech clan in far north Queensland, Australia.” This book is not a window into Aboriginal culture. It is a window into western culture through an Indigenous lens. His logic is not static, but deeply embedded in living systems. It warps and weaves and seems to get lost only to draw disparate elements back together into more integral wholes. It asks great questions that undermine our assumptions. It refuses to dislocate data from story. He speaks about sustainability and groups and culture and health. The following passage gives a taste of indigenous knowledge.
In the land of Yunkaporta “When the wattle tree flowers, the wild honey is ready to harvest as medicine—a native honey I know as may at, which can kill bacteria like streptococcus on contact. It boosts the immune system and gives you boundless energy. River fish are fat at that time as are the birds who dive for those fish and show us where to find them. The fruit bats are at peak fat in that season too, and the fat is good medicine for respiratory conditions that might be triggered by the wattle flowers. The leaves of the wattle can be burnt for ash to mix with the leaves of the native tobacco that grows nearby, releasing more of the alkaloids and saponins in the tobacco when chewed. Those compounds are more concentrated at that time than in any other season, making for a wonderful non addictive stimulant that enhances concentration and an alertness.”
This is, as David Whyte says, “The conversational nature of reality.” Meaning emerges through relationship. Functional effectiveness is equally relational. Ignore the facts and focus on the relationships, the embeddedness. In my house honey feels vaguely medicinal, but mostly like yet another source of sugar to be wary of. Even our attempts at integrated and holistic medicine tend to simply extract what is convenient from another culture and use it out of genetic, regional, seasonal and bacterial context.
This attempt to tame what is wild, to domesticate, or bring indoors that which we find in nature, has a parallel in the way that we educate our children, and therefore our leaders. The results of this show up in the LCP when it highlights the ways that leaders fail.
Yunkaporta contemplates the Western invention of adolescence, “a method of slowing the transition from childhood to adulthood, so that it would take years rather than, for example, the months it takes in Indigenous rites of passage.”
This lights a fire in me. I suffered immensely as a young man attempting to navigate my place in the world. I nearly killed myself multiple times before I dropped out of college while attempting to individuate and explore the limits of my power. One of my clients, a brilliant executive, has been consumed recently by his 13 year old sons rocky transition into adulthood. Our conversations explore the parallels between son and father; the demons he faced, those he turned away from, and the lack of rights of passage in our culture. We don’t just talk business, but culture, philosophy, spirituality, and the impacts of the way that we raise and educate our children. We help them to become productive, but what of the development of their souls? What happens to their creativity? Are they in sync with their environment? If so, why so much destruction of self and other? Who does it all serve?
Yunkaporta contemplates the Prussian creation of adolescence later adopted by Americans, “This delayed transition, intended to create a permanent state of childlike compliance in adults, was developed from farming techniques used to break horses and to domesticate animals. Bear in mind that the original domestication of animals involved the mutation of wild species into an infantilized form with a smaller brain and an inability to adapt or solve problems. To domesticate an animal in this way you must:
1. Separate the young from their parents in the daylight hours.
2. Confine them in an enclosed space with limited stimulation or access to natural habitat.
3. Use rewards and punishments to force them to comply with purposeless tasks.”
I have a flashback to sitting in a tiny deskchair, taking a multiple choice test, hoping to get a gold star.
My kids are being educated outdoors this year; a silver covid lining. But will we send them back to public school next year with a heavy heart? And how will all of this show up coaching leaders?
One big challenge in leadership development, one which the LCP highlights brilliantly, is moving people from socialized mind, also referred to as reactive mind, where more than 80% of the population tends to lead, to self-authoring mind or creative mind, where less than 15% of the population operates. This is a developmental leap akin to the one we are attempting to make around puberty, in adolescence. As a child we attempt to individuate from, and see beyond, our family so we can find our place in society. As adults we attempt to step outside of the rules that society has handed us, to individuate from culture, so we can co-create the adaptations needed to keep society and culture in sync with the planet.
The difference between the two stages is, statistically (across 200,000+ leaders scores), the difference between effective leadership and ineffective leadership (R = .93). Reactive solutions attempt to reinforce the system they are being handed. They might be expert problem solvers, but they need problems to give them purpose and their best efforts to solve them result in a return to stasis. In a VUCA environment, in a time of exponential growth, they flounder when it comes to helping their teams innovate. As a coach I notice that this type of leader also tends to be less fulfilled personally. They succeed, but are often addicted to work and lack hobbies, creativity, spirituality, and time spent with loved ones. They struggle to love themselves and therefore to relax. They get sick more often as well.
Creative leaders, on the other hand, nurture the evolution and transformation of the system, or business, they are operating. They do this by nurturing their own development as well. They don’t motivate people to solve problems. They inspire people to create based on a vision of what is possible. It is not coincidence to me that creative leaders also tend to lead more balanced lives. Visionary thinking does not emerge from busy work, but from the confluence of many disparate elements. Meditation, movement, cooking, sex, art, and music are cross training for the best business minds.
My favorite book from the deep dive was Neurosis and Human Growth by Karen Horney; a contemporary of Freud’s. The bottom half of the LCP, the Reactive half, is deeply rooted in her theories of personality development. Getting stuck in reactive mind is intimately entwined with wounds developed in childhood. We all build a persona, a way of impressing and pleasing others that masks our spontaneity and stifles our creativity. Our personality forms based on coping strategies developed to feel lovable in an environment that rejects our natural impulses. We reject what we want and cultivate a lot of should’s to win love, respect and feel safe.
I am the coach leaders come to when they have climbed the highest mountain only to realize that they prefer the beach, or that doing so came at too high of a cost. I will never forget a client telling me that the year his net worth reached 9 figures was the worst year of his life. He came to me to shut down one career and begin another. His new business is aligned with both the planet and his pain. Overcoming the drives that created his wounds allowed him to see a vision of what was possible and create an amazing business to capitalize upon it. You love his products because of his self proclaimed crazy, fanatical obsession with their quality. His net worth tripled.
How much shame is created at home due to our parents fear that our behaviors will not be accepted by society? How much brilliance is diminished in schools that turn childhood exuberance into attention deficit disorders and the creative impulse into an optional art class for the few who are unlikely to find success in the “real” world. Show me the child who learns best sitting in neat rows indoors and taking standardized tests. I haven’t met her yet.
How badly does our world need leaders who are focused on their inner work? Leaders committed to healing the wounds that knocked their natural curiosity and spontaneity off course? Leaders capable of becoming exquisitely embedded in and in tune with the world around them? This is one definition of indigenous, occurring naturally in a particular place. We deny our nature at great peril.
Coaching leaders who have found success, but struggle to find fulfillment, almost always involves helping them reclaim the parts of themselves that they have compartmentalized, judged, and shamed out of existence. It almost always looks like finding the place where their deepest want meets the worlds deepest need. Can we really be happy without being creative? Be healthy, without being integrated into our environment? Experience joy, without being silly, and unpredictable? Don’t leaders hire me because I refused to become domestic in the classroom? Don’t I need them because they did? Together we find balance.
The picture above is me wading into a random river on day 2 of 6 hiking over 100 mi on the Appalachian trail. I jumped in way over my head. I’ve never hiked with a backpack, never mind up and down mountains for 10 hours a day, never slept alone in the woods, never drank water from streams, and never carried all the food I’ll need for a week on my back. It was hard. My body hurt at the end of day one. My ankles swole up like balloons and screamed at me to stop with nearly every step.
It was great.
My original plan, pre-covid, was a week long silent retreat at the Zen center; also a beautiful struggle every time I do it. I finally accepted the fact that the Zen center was not going to open up for sesshin this year and I desperately needed a media free week in silence, but why choose pain?
I’ll give you 4 reasons:
WE KNOW THINGS BY THEIR OPPOSITES
My Uncle once asked me, “If given the option to spare your children from ever experiencing pain, would you choose this for them?”
I answered with an immediate “No” replying, “how could they ever know joy if they didn’t know pain?” This points towards one of the reasons I like to do hard things. In the picture above I am joyously rinsing my skin in a river. I don’t usually get excited about rivers. After a mere 48 hours without a shower, without washing my hands, after sleeping outside in my own filth, covered in sweat with my muscles aching, the joy of being refreshed and clean is almost overwhelming. Jumping into that river was bliss. The cold water of the river reminded me just how comfortable my life at home is every single day. I take hot showers for granted. I take sinks for granted. I take my bed for granted.
In the image above I am preparing to spend the day hiking in the rain. I take the roof over my head for granted. I take hot meals for granted. I take the safety of sleeping without bears and coyotes circling my tent (yup, happened two nights in a row) for granted. Most of all, I take the company of others for granted.
I practice GRATITUDE daily, but there is plenty of privilege that I overlook. Doing hard things shines a light on just how much I have going for me every day. Carrying everything you need to live on your back for a week and hiking in the woods has beautiful elements as well, but mostly it was a challenge. It is simple and hard and exponentially less comfortable than life indoors. You don’t get to wash your hands after going to the bathroom. You don’t get to adjust the temperature on the thermostat. You are not safe from poison ivy (I got it) bugs (bit me), rodents (attacked my food), coyotes (surrounded me) or bears. Yes, I enjoy roughing it, but mostly I appreciate the way it reminds me just how little I need to survive and how much extra I have in my life to be grateful for.
TO KNOW YOUR LIMITS
Most of us leave A LOT on the table. At the end of the day, how often do you feel that you gave all you could possibly have given? When you do feel this way, isn’t going to bed the best? If you rarely feel this way, how much regret do you imagine you will have at the end of your life? Have you read that Top 5 Regrets of the Dying list? It’s not failure that stings, it is the things we never tried that haunt us at the end. Dreams unfulfilled become nightmares. Knowing you have more to give is one of the most exquisite pains that emerges at the higher stages of personal development. This is what self-actualization is all about.
If you don’t test your limits then you don’t know what you are capable of. If you don’t know what you are capable of then I guarantee you that you are selling yourself short on a near daily basis. Most of us don’t spend enough time outside of our comfort zones to really know how strong we are and how resourceful we might be under pressure. I like to do things specifically because I don’t know how to do them. It may seem completely unrelated to the rest of your life to do something hard like an endurance challenge, but the confidence you build in yourself translates into all realms.
TO PUSH YOUR LIMITS
I don’t just seek my limits just to find out where they are. I seek limits because I know that when I touch them….they move. It is one thing to find a limit, it is another to accept it. I believe that every boundary I see in my life is negotiable.
What happens if you conceptualize every skill to be more like a muscle than a bone? Muscles grow strong when you stress them and limber when you stretch them. They are anti–fragile. You can lose bone, but as an adult, what you see is essentially the most you will ever get. Bones are ‘use it or lose it’, but muscles adapt to the challenge they face.
Many people see skills as bones. They seek to discover where they have “natural talent” and avoid the places where they don’t. This is the definition of a fixed mindset. Well guess what? The research is in. There is no such thing as natural talent. We have natural curiosities. No one can explain why we like what we like. Some feel drawn to art and others to engineering. But if we can sustain effort, especially if we engage deliberate practice, in any area, improvement is inevitable.
The opposite of a fixed mindset is a growth mindset. Take whatever talent you have now, multiply it by the effort you are willing to put in and this gives you the skill you end up with. Mastery is asymptotic. There is always more to learn.
This is also true for your self confidence. Think of it like stretching. Right now you have a range of motion that feels accessible. Within this range you are comfortable. If you go too far too fast then you can easily pull a muscle. You have to be careful when you push. Blow past your limit and panic sets in. Anxiety is real. But if you can find your edge, lean into it, take deep belly breaths, and hang out there, your edge begins to expand. If you can’t touch your toes it’s because you don’t try (and fail) often enough. If you are afraid to speak publicly it’s because you don’t try often enough. When you play with your limits they change.
TO BUILD GRIT
I suspect that nothing correlates with success in life more than grit. Too much stress can break you, but too little leaves us weak and full of self doubt. I have coached the adult children of billionaires on multiple occasions. We all know what they have going for them, I’m not asking you to pity them, but they are illuminating when it comes to illustrating one simple point. Being coddled makes us fragile.
When we have things done for us, we tend to doubt whether or not we could do them for ourselves. If you never have to cook, clean, study without a tutor, pay for a meal, or rely on yourself to overcome scary and challenging situations, then you tend to assume your limits are far smaller than what they really are. Don’t get me wrong, each of these people was brilliant and full of amazing potential. Most of them just have a hard time believing it. If you are protected from experiencing discomfort you tend to assume that little things will break you. They won’t, but thinking about it won’t help. You must be tested.
Nowadays many of us are coddled by our parents. In a culture where everybody gets a participation medal, where rights of passage barely exist, it can be hard to know what would happen if you were truly in danger and had no one to rely on but yourself. This doesn’t mean be reckless. I take measured risks. I’m no pioneer. I don’t consider myself to be all that brave. I felt relatively safe on the AT because I know that so many other people have been there before. My growth mindset tells me that if others have done something then, if I am willing to struggle, so can I. My belief in the power of grit makes me smile when I get stuck, keep moving when I have doubt, and seek out new challenges when I feel stagnant.
Grit works like a muscle as well. I love sitting on the beach with a book for a while, but I love adventure a lot more. I want a life that is meaningful more than I want a life that is comfortable. I want to experience diversity more than I want certainty. And when it comes to my life having the impact that I dream it can have I know that I am going to have to be WAY outside of my comfort zone to get there.
Ooooh….This is a good one
If you have been following my journey over the past 10 years you might have noticed that the way I identify myself professionally has morphed and evolved. How I work with clients has largely stayed the same, but my title has not. Depending on how people find me, they think of me as being one type of coach or another.
I am a Life Coach. This always seemed like the catch-all. I started out as a Holistic Health Coach, but only worked that before my sabbatical. If you search on Yelp I rank in the top 3 for both Life and Career Coaches in NYC. So many think of me primarily as a Career Coach. Over the past couple of years the growing majority of my clients became CEO’s and other executives. When they refer me to a colleague running their own company they hire me as an Executive Coach (first new page on my website in a while!). All of this was actually expected and is basically par for the course. It’s a kooky unregulated industry. My most recent titles I did not anticipate. Things are getting weirder.
Because I insist that my clients be open to discussing and working with all areas of their life it is hard to predict where things will lead, but I always assumed it would all fit within the “life” realm….until recently. Witness the birth of Death Coaching!
My client D.S. Moss created a podcast called The Adventures of Memento Mori. Memento Mori translates as Remember to Die. The idea is that, through contemplating impermanence one might really start living. This journey has led us through some truly strange and beautiful explorations, and now, in the last two episodes, to Peru, where he offers his ego up to the plant medicine of the local shaman. Believe it or not, this is not the first time I have been an Ayahuasca Coach, but it is the first time I can take you along!
This is work that gets my juices flowing. Who AM I? What lurks in the depths of my shadows? How do I kill my ego? All of the big philosophical questions smash head on into heroic doses of psychedelics in the final episodes of this absolutely brilliant podcast. Every week he explores death and our relationship to it through a new lens. I believe I am in the first episode, the last two, and maybe one more. The whole podcast is worth the journey. The last episode of the first season (episode #14) where the ayahuasca ceremonies actually happen, is particularly bewitching. Listen with headphones if you can. He really captures the sounds of the ceremony space. It brought me right back to my first ceremonies in Brazil.
Does the phrase The Fertile Ground of Bewilderment perfectly sum up the current election to you?
Does it point to the real path forward when it comes to climate change?
How about the way to figure out what to do with your career or your health?
If the fertile ground of bewilderment does not point towards a solution, perhaps it should. This is the argument that one of my favorite thinkers on the planet puts forth in his forthcoming book and in the lecture that gives us a preview below.
Charles Eisenstein, author of Sacred Economics and The Yoga of Eating, is working on a new book about climate change that promises to evolve the discourse around this topic by asking us to go deeper than the simple solutions that we have all been talking about. Through an exploration of our fear of the phrase “I don’t know” Charles pushes us to look deeper. The simple, linear, carbon is the enemy, Trump is the enemy, sugar is the enemy, lines of thought are great for choosing our enemies, but doing so can actually make things worse. Charles invites us in to a space of deep unknowing where true insights can emerge. In essence, he asks us to let go of the overly mechanistic/rational ways we view our problems and move towards a more sacred view of ourselves and our planet. Ever wonder why caring for children or for the dying doesn’t seem to be a great way to make a living? This is the place where even your smallest efforts to connect with and care for others are essential to all of our futures. (It’s worth the journey just for the parking lot metaphor)
The New & Ancient Story Podcast (the audio has a little static, but it’s worth it)
Ever wonder, what is my purpose? We all want to wake up energized and engaged. We want to live with purpose. Check out this great new podcast all about living with purpose. I’m featured in episode #3
Michael Grab balances stones. Perhaps you have seen a stack of stones in the woods, at the beach or on a mountain? These are nothing like that, or rather, they are just like that, but look like they are a CGI trick. They are not. Just to prove that they are not computer generated, but are actually just one man stacking some rocks, Grab has released a video demonstration of him balancing some rocks. In his words “the process boils down to contemplative stone arrangement; involving patience, adaptation, slow-breathing, steady hands, and a plethora of other practiced skills.” This is nature as spiritual practice as far as I am concerned, and both the process and the results are beautiful and inspiring.
You can learn more about Michael by checking out his website Gravity Glue
This man is AMAZING! Wednesdays are for AMAZING MEN Find More Amazing Men by clicking HERE
I’m not sure about children today, but when I was in school everyone either had a Rubik’s cube or had a friend who had one. Occasionally, someone was able to solve it. It was never fast. It often looked like luck. Kevin Hays is a master ‘speedsolver’. Not only does he appear to know exactly what moves to make, he executes them with super-human quickness. You have to see this video to believe it. Watch as he solves 6 Rubik’s cube’s, each one with more squares than the next.
This man is AMAZING! Wednesdays are for AMAZING MEN Find More Amazing Men by clicking HERE
Cory Richardson was named National Geographics Explorer of the Year in 2012. This is a great accomplishment. Now imagine what happens when this type of adventurer is an AMAZING photographer. Lucky for us, we don’t have to. The video below gives us a gorgeous glimpse into Richards work.
You can see more of his work on his website here: www.coryrichards.com
This man is AMAZING! Wednesdays are for AMAZING MEN Find More Amazing Men by clicking HERE
I love functional strength. Watching someone lift a 1,000 pounds will always be shocking, but most of those guys look like they couldn’t touch their toes. Then you have the gymnasts and the breakdancers and the “movement” crowd. These guys are pushing the boundaries of human physicality in incredibly holistic ways. They are not just perfecting one movement or one type of lift, they are perfecting their bodies ability to do anything and everything. Breakdancer Simon Ata from Melbourne Australia is an elegant beast. I’d be thrilled to be able to pull off one of the body weight exercise he does in this video.
This man is AMAZING! Wednesdays are for AMAZING MEN Find More Amazing Men by clicking HERE